Travis Parry (00:01.346)
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Travis Parry show. I'm your host Dr. Parry. Hey today, I actually want to talk to you a lot about goals, goal setting, accomplishment, and, and what we do wrong. Listen for many, many years, I have set goals. have followed all the best Covey, Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, Joe Vitale, a lot of these, really, really important.

important and pivotal figures in most of our, self-improvement, our personal development and even business development journey. but I want to tell you that what they have all gotten wrong, what they all got wrong is so many focus simply on the accomplishment, setting a goal, whether it's your big hairy audacious goal. Thank you, Tony Robbins.

or attracting everything you want in your life. Thank you, Joe Vitale, all these wonderful, and incredible people that I stand on the shoulders of. I studied, I've worked with, I've been coached by, and throughout my experience and also my PhD have come to really figure out something that's really, really missing values. Now I talk about it in my first book, achieving balance. In my first book, I talk about, this idea.

that we should not set goals until you set values until you really know who you are. you know, we've got, a lot of people that talk about what is your why. Okay. And this becomes very important when we talk about values. When my father passed away, I was a, you know, just a 25 year old kid and I had

learned about goals and values since I was, uh, you know, very, very young, but it hit me super, super strong when I had to write my own father's obituary. I had to write about what it was that was really important to him and try to really convey this concept to others, uh, in my family, friends, the community. And I had never written an obituary before as I sat at the keyboard and as I was plunking out.

Travis Parry (02:23.702)
the things that my father did and what he accomplished. I realized two things. A, the first, you know, being that my dad had accomplished most of the things that he had set out to do in his life. And that blew me away. But it also really had me thinking about, you know, what other people think about these accomplishments and were they really valuable to them? Does it

really matter what my father accomplished or did it matter more the kind of person that he was that that, you know, that concept that be that latter concept really stuck with me so much that, after my dad's funeral, after all the dust had settled and I was helping mom and the family and, really through that process, trying to grieve, was a grieving process. As I went through that, I realized that, wow,

What really matters in life is not what we absolutely accomplish, not what we achieve, but this sense of who we become, this sense of what are the values that really matter the most in our life? Who is it that we emulate? Who is it that we really want to be like or the values that we want to become? What is a value?

You know, so many people throw this word around, like, Hey, you know, it's values based in financial planning, or this is, you know, what are your values or, or put your priorities in order. Let me explain. I've done a lot of research on this and values are principles that guide our lives. They are things that are true for us about who it is we want to become. Now I could give you a hierarchy and list of various values.

But typically what a value is, something that describes you as a person. So if some, if you went and interviewed somebody and I did this exercise one time, where, where I actually asked various people in different spheres, work sphere, family sphere, friend sphere, my wife even took the test about what kind of person that I was, what kind of person that they thought.

Travis Parry (04:45.39)
I was and I got a lot of great feedback. When you do these types of personality tests and other things, you know, there is some value to that. There's definitely some things that I think are worth, you know, exploring and kind of living for and getting that feedback to see just exactly where are you as a human being, as a person, as somebody who, you know, has, you know,

I don't know some I lost the words here a way to give that feedback to you that is you know a kind of a mere experience sort of a hey this is a reflection of what I would like to become but to see that without your own personal bias and opinion well I did a lot of this introspection

I took out my journal and I began to journal out all of the values that I thought that I wanted to be. And then I prayed about it and I asked God, I said, you know what? I could ask my wife, I could ask my kids, I could ask my friends, I could ask my mom, I could ask all these people for their feedback like I have before, where I could go directly to the source of all knowledge

All knowing all, you know, encompassing of who I want to be and ask him directly. I made it a matter of prayer. I made it a matter of really trying to understand what direction I should be going. This was a pivotal moment in my life where I wrote down some values.

And what might be an example of this? I mentioned my book, achieving balance, you know, several things that, that I would like to become and values things like honest, successful, strong, healthy fit. you know, things that might relate to my physical, spiritual, nature in that I was faithful. and I, I, you know, I might say this in past tense, but really it's future tense of,

Travis Parry (07:14.358)
I want to be faithful, right? I want to be strong. I want to do these things. As I listed all of these values out, I did it from a reverse perspective in that I was looking back on life. I was looking back on what it is that I became and who, you know, I really emulated throughout my life in all...

10 areas of life. I'm not going to go through all those with you right now. I mentioned more in my book, achieving balance and even in marrying grow rich. but the idea is that as I focused on values becoming more like this specific value, okay. Maybe it was faithful. what, what can I then do? What is an action that I can take to become more faithful?

If faithful is a value that you hold dear, maybe it's honest. Maybe it is, you know, strong, maybe it is, successful, whatever those words are for you. I find that once you have discovered these values, you no longer ever have to actually set another goal. Well, what do you mean, Travis? You're the goal guy. You talk about goals all the time. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But those values now become your life long goals. That's your lifelong measuring stick. People say, oh, set a goal. It's 20 years out because it's, you know, it's far enough out that you're not allowing your limiting blocks and beliefs to pull you down. agree. But why don't you just set it at the end of your life and look backward? Because that's what my father's death did for me. When my father died at just a month shy of 50, he was 49. I was 25.

it happened so fast and so quick that because of all these experiences that happened, I was forced to look at end of life. I was forced to look at the legacy that my father left me. believe one of the very first things that we can give our children, our families, and our communities, anyone around us is this legacy of living our values. Don't just.

Travis Parry (09:35.118)
try and achieve goals. Don't just set things out in the future, trying hard to get at it and, and then, you know, maybe we hit it, maybe we don't, and then we just set them again. No, no, no. Look back on life as though you've already lived it. You've already been there and then set goals, smart goals that you stretch a little bit. Um, you set those goals as mile markers.

Those are just steps along the way on this journey in life. I have found this as I've coached hundreds of clients through this process, that values can literally change their entire trajectory. It helps them now be able to give a baseline. Well, where am I? How am I doing towards achieving this value? Becoming really is the better word.

coming this value, right? Not just achieving a goal. And it may be that, gee, I'm in the wrong line of work. I should be doing something completely different. That was an effect that happened to me. Or man, I need to radically change the way that I treat my body or handle my mental health or maybe things you've been struggling with for decades that you now realize that, gee, I...

I need to take care of some of these things, right? It might be relationships with your own family, with God, with your neighbors, with church friends or whoever it might be. If you focus on those values, then everything opens up. Every morning, I get out my values and I have a value statement and I read out loud.

the values that I have. I'm looking over at my desk here because that's where my journal is with the list that I wrote out. Now I have done this for all 10 areas of my life and I have multiple values. Some of them like my spiritual has five, six, seven, eight values, whatever, like a lot of values. And it may be some I can just barely eke out two or three, right? And that's okay. I suggest at least three for each area to just get it out. Just let it flow.

Travis Parry (11:57.25)
don't, don't hold back, but remember the values describe you. They don't describe what you do. So many people get this wrong. like, well, okay. Yeah. so they, they, they describe it as a verb. Am I getting this is not a verb. It's an adjective. This value describes you as a person at the end of your life. Now, again, this might create a little bit of anxiety. Well, I'm not that person yet. That's the point.

That's the entire point. We are not in this life to just achieve things. I wrote about this in the book. I've mentioned this so many times, but you walk through a cemetery. Rarely do you have somebody putting on a list of accomplishments. They don't have their professional resume. They have, relationships. They have the things that matter the most to them. Maybe it's about their faith. Maybe it is.

Typically it's about their relationship with their family and that's who that's how they are connected. It's the family that mourns them when they're gone and friends that mourn them when they're gone. So think about this from that perspective. I don't want you to think, man, if I died tomorrow, that's not it. You'll probably live a long and healthy life. Most of us will. My father, was quite honestly a statistic, that is very much an anomaly.

Typically people don't die at 49. Okay. and I've spent a lot of time trying to understand why he died and understand what I can do better, and how I can improve my life, et cetera. But all of that negates the, like the big picture. And that's who I become through this process. Who is it that God wants me to be? So if you're struggling, you're like, Hey, I.

I really want that vision. I want that to open up to me. I promise you that as you write down values, who you want to become and who you believe God wants you to be, it will be shown to you. You will be given these adjectives. If you've done it before, great, do it again. Every year I sit down and I revise and I look at these values. and it's really less again about this accomplishment. It's more about.

Travis Parry (14:24.91)
Who does God want me to become? Then it opens up my life and I choose just one value every year. I choose just one thing that I want to focus on one value for each of these areas. Quite honestly, that's now the most difficult thing. The first difficult thing is getting them all out. The second is then deciding each year. What value do I want to focus on? I make it a matter of prayer.

I make it a matter of thought and I don't just do it, you know, take it lightly. think about it. I focus on it for a while. It might take you several weeks. You know, January 1st is gone. We celebrated, we let the old year die, right? In the new year cup. And that's wonderful. It's, it's a, even a spiritual experience in that way. That doesn't mean, that, it's January, you know, middle of January now, like what, what can I do? I don't, I can't go back. No, you're not.

wanting to go back, you can simply sit down, find some time, put your toes in the sand as one of my clients did and sit on a beach or someplace, be silent, be away from the world, the noise, your devices, family members, like find quiet time. If you have to wake up at four 30, five 30 in the morning to do it, do it. It's absolutely worth it. Most people will not take this advice.

because it's too hard. That's too difficult. It's going to cause too much pain and trauma and stress. I guarantee you, you do this and you, your life will change. Okay. You will absolutely never look at goal setting the same as you work backwards. As you look at what you want to become. it's so much easier to say, all right, now I'll take a stab at what can I do this year? What's one thing?

Just one thing was one thing that I can do drought throughout the duration of, of the rest of this year that will help me become a little bit more faithful, honest, successful, strong, connected, whatever the word is. Okay. I know some of mine, what is it that you want to become and you want God to help you become and then decide what's what's an action. I talk about it my book. You create smart goals after that.

Travis Parry (16:51.778)
But the smart goal is not the idol. Like don't make that the priority because you may achieve it and then forget what was that helping me try to do. And that, that is again, the issue here. Don't make the goal the end all be all. You need to switch this. Values are greater than goals. Becoming that person that God wants you to be is really

All that matters one day, we will all stand before our maker. We will all have a conversation, a reconciliation, a discussion, and we will be able to really see what we've become. and, and I, I believe that it's so important that that motivates me more than anything else, more than guilt about not doing something right. More than what other people think of me. I've got some thick skin.

It was a redheaded, you know, picked on bullied kid in junior high. you know, life really dealt me some interesting experiences as we all have. Okay. We all have these, but don't let other people hold you back from becoming who you need to become. Don't let family holds you back. Don't let anyone get in the way of what God wants you to become. And who knows?

You know, maybe tomorrow's the last day. Maybe today is the last day. I don't know, but just striving toward becoming those values are going to help you far and away. When, when you have that discussion with your maker one day, I personally believe that Christ is the greatest example and you want to look at becoming Godly and, and following him is honestly the best thing.

that anyone can do. but I do believe that we need to be like Christ, not him, but we need to be like him. And we each have a mission. We each have a reason to be here on this earth. And therefore I believe God can tell us what that is. And as we follow it, as we, about time to be able to, to, to work on these values. I mean, that's really the next thing is you set a plan.

Travis Parry (19:18.688)
And you make time for it. I'm getting ahead of myself here. I really just want to emphasize that this is the most important piece. This is it. People come to me all the time. They want more time. They want less stress. And I'm telling you, if you can live your values, you're to have greater balance. If you can live your values, you are going to feel spiritually connected. You're to have better relationships. You're going to be healthier. Everything will connect you back to what God wants you to be. It just, it all works this way.

Time management is a tool setting goals. Those are tools. Okay. Um, accountability plans, et cetera. Ideal counters. Those are all tools in the bucket of trying to become who God wants you to be. Make 2026 an incredible year by focusing on values. Don't get lost in the minutia of every. It typically goes like this. People set goals.

by February 12th or 15th or something that they've already lost all ambition and motivation because they're just, they're focusing on external motivation to get them there. Right. The rah rah, the music, the, know, I was at the gym this morning and there were more people I've ever seen in a year. Okay. Why? Cause everybody's motivated for a brief moment to do something instead of to be something. And when you're motivated to be, those values are internal.

It'll keep you going when the, the, you know, the nights are tough. Okay. The mornings to get up to go to the gym rough. All right. It's freezing outside or whatever it might be. You've had a rough month, a rough year in business, or you find yourself in relationship struggles with kids or spouse. Rough. Okay. We're all going to face these, when you can focus every morning on your values and read them off.

talk about them, actually read them out loud to yourself, pray about them, ask God to help you to become that person, to become the values that you have come to find out are what God wants you to be. I know as you do that, your life again will change. Like this is the most important thing. Do not skip, do not set goals, do not find a word for the year without

Travis Parry (21:43.35)
really understanding what your values are. Everything builds on this. It's the most important thing. All right. This is my tip for leaving your family. Legacy is starting with you, starting with your own values, starting with what it is you need to become so that you can impact the world around you. I know that, this is, this is life changing because I've done it and I've helped, you know, again, hundreds of clients go through this process.

And just to see them, I had one client in particular, I talked to you about the toes in the sand. One client particular who been through lots of coaching, lots of training, multiple degrees, know, millionaire, the guy is incredibly successful. He said this one exercise sitting in the sand on a Florida beach with a pen and paper, walking through his values and all 10 areas of life just blew his mind. Absolutely blew his mind. And it is exactly

what he needed from the training with me. Okay. There was so much, you know, other things we could talk about, know, goals and accomplishment, time management, leadership, legacy, all the things that a business owner deals with in life balance, et cetera. But this was it. And I have seen this time and time again. So go do it. Find some time.

to figure out what your values are in all areas of life. Grab a book. you haven't achieving balance, you can go to achieving balance book.com or Travis Perry with an a.com. has my books, my podcasts, everything blogs, et cetera on there and pick up a copy and, you know, you can find it on Amazon, audible. you know, I've read that out and enjoyed that experience. It's, I have a lot of great feedback on that book. but again, if you do nothing, but,

Read that first chapter all about, uh, value or that's, think the second chapter all about values. That's that's, that's it. That's the most important thing. All right. We'll talk soon. I hope you enjoy this. Oh, this is good for setting off into 2026. Um, if you need help again, Travis Perry.com find me there. Let's keep this conversation rolling and until next time we'll see you. Remember live life on purpose together.





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